What’s Wrong with Avoiding?
As we suggested above, in many situations avoidance is a very adaptive process, such as avoiding dark streets at night where a mugger could be lurking. But there are many other situations in which avoidance can become a problem. First, avoidance often prevents people from taking necessary steps toward solving life problems or improving their moods. For example, if you feel stuck in a bad relationship, or if there’s a problem that needs solving, avoiding dealing with the issues keeps the problems alive. Avoiding sadness and grief following the loss of a loved one can prevent you from working through a natural grieving process. Or, avoiding an accumulating pile of unpaid bills can continue to produce anxiety and worry over financial difficulties, which then makes it harder to pay the bills.
A Fail-Safe Method for Checking on Avoidance
One useful way to determine whether your behavior is helping you to avoid something is to look at circumstances and consequences.
Circumstances. What is the circumstance or situation in which the behavior occurs? Where are you? What is the time of day? Who else, if anyone, is with you? Does the situation feel difficult in any way? What is your response to the situation? What do you do in the situation?
Consequences. What are the results of the behavior? Do you feel better? Have you solved a problem? Have things remained the same? Have things gotten worse?
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