The difficulty for men can be stated simply. Rather than being judged by their ability to write a book, men are conditioned to judge themselves by their ability to have penetrative sex. If this fails, men are told that there is some shameful defect in their masculinity. Most respond by casting around to find someone else to blame. The conventional response is that women have failed to excite them. So, for example, the mythology of witches in Europe and the early American settlements was based, in part, on the proposition that spells can rob men of their virility.

This simplistic view of gender, distinguishing purely between the functioning male and female, ignores all the shades of sexuality that may manifest in bisexuality, homosexuality, transgender behaviour, etc. By defining maleness by a single criterion of physical performance, it marginalises all the other factors of affection, love and commitment which may affect sexual desire. Worse, it overlooks all the treatable physical conditions that may cause impotence.

As McLaren takes us through history, we see every excuse for failure come into and pass out of fashion. More distressingly, we are told of all the treatments sold by the medical profession over the centuries, many of which are extraordinary by modern standards. Now instead of all the guesswork of the past, we are offered the “truth”. This is erectile dysfunction - a plumbing problem that can be solved by taking cialis. Look around and you will see the hard sell of adverts (pun intended) for these pills. Yet, the implication of these adverts is no more true than Freudian notions that performance weakens when childhood memories interfere with adult lives. Although cialis does effectively restore erectile function, it is a “magic” fig leaf to cover the lack of understanding about the real causes of the problem.

More realistically, McLaren argues that impotence is not really a medical disorder to be treated. It is more a collection of concepts and ideas that have been used to define gender roles and expectations. If we take the word “orgasm” and try to explain what it means, we are immediately lost in a world of subjective impressions. It is always easy to fall back on physical explanations of the mechanics of arousal and consummation. But actually listing the main sensations and emotions in a way that captures their universal significance is a serious challenge. Then trying to place the definition in a context of social relationships, some acceptable, others less so, turns the entire exercise into a minefield of taboo issues.

The book is a highly informative study of social attitudes through the ages. Having read it, it would not be unfair to conclude that our attitudes today are little different to those that defined men in Ancient Rome and Greece. The only difference, I suppose, is that rather than having to eat something disgusting or soak your penis in something potentially dangerous, we can now simply take cialis while reading the last few pages of the book and then be ready to enjoy sexual activity for the rest of the night without having to work about philosophical niceties.

A Fail-Safe Method for Checking on Avoidance

One useful way to determine whether your behavior is helping you to avoid something is to look at circumstances and consequences.

Circumstances. What is the circumstance or situation in which the behavior occurs? Where are you? What is the time of day? Who else, if anyone, is with you? Does the situation feel difficult in any way? What is your response to the situation? What do you do in the situation?

Consequences. What are the results of the behavior? Do you feel better? Have you solved a problem? Have things remained the same? Have things gotten worse?

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In the two columns below list in the left-hand column situations that you avoided where the avoidance was adaptive for you. In the right-hand column, list situations where your avoidance was problematic.

Avoidance can also be a problem when the very process of avoiding creates additional unpleasant feelings and experiences. This is a subtle process that is easy to experience directly with a thought experiment. For the next ten to fifteen seconds, do everything you can do to avoid imagining a pink bear. Whatever you think about, don’t think about or visualize a pink bear. Try this for ten to fifteen seconds and then continue reading.

How did it work? If you’re like most of us, your attempt to avoid thinking about pink bears resulted in the exact opposite: You actually spent most of the time visualizing or thinking about some sort of pink bear! It’s as if the thought, “I shouldn’t think about pink bears,” kept reintroducing pink bears into your mind. It works the same way with avoidance of difficult experiences when you’re depressed. The more effort you put into avoiding-for example, not dealing with an important piece of paperwork-the more you will worry about the paperwork.

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How Do You Know If Your Behavior Is Avoidance?

Take a look back at the definition of avoidance that we provided earlier. A voidance behavior occurs when (a) what you are doing helps you to temporarily escape from difficult situations or feelings, and (b) what you are doing fails to improve or it even worsens your depression in the long run. Now that you have had experience with activity charts and self monitoring, you can monitor your own avoidance behaviors. To determine whether your behavior is avoidance or not, you need to look at all aspects of a situation. A behavior that is helpful in one context may be an avoidance behavior in a different context. Recall the example of Leslie setting out to clean the dishes and do laundry and ending up knitting sweaters. If, before a birthday or holiday, Leslie had set out to knit sweaters as gifts for her children, the knitting would be completely appropriate. However, in the context of needing to get housework completed, knitting was a distraction and avoidance of the discomfort of the task at hand.

The function of a behavior is also determined by its consequences. This is a fancy way of saying that behavior does not always serve the purpose that you think it does. For example, eating a piece of chocolate cake can serve many functions, depending on the situation and the consequences. If Andy, sitting at home after eating a light meal, thinks that he’d like a little taste of something sweet, and he eats a piece of chocolate cake, eating the cake functions as a nice treat that reduces his desire for a sweet. Imagine that, in a different situation, Andy is feeling badly about himself and has just eaten a large meal. He cuts himself a piece of chocolate cake out of boredom, eats it, and continues to feel dissatisfied. He also feels a little queasy. The act of eating the cake has served a very different function from the first instance. It has helped Andy to avoid boredom and has also made him feel physically ill and a little more depressed. In a different situation, Andy may be visiting a friend who offers him a piece of chocolate cake. He accepts and the two of them eat cake and drink a cup of coffee while having an interesting conversation. When he has finished eating the cake, he feels happy and connected to his friend. Eating the cake in this situation has helped to promote social interaction for Andy.